The importance of compatibility
Another reason why we sometimes fall for people that we’re not compatible with is because we’ve fallen in love with the idea of being with them. In cases like this, it’s worth taking some time to figure out what it is about that person that you’re so drawn to. Does it reveal something about yourself that you’ve been meaning to tackle for a while? Maybe they live their life in the way that you aspire to live yours. Use it as fuel to create the changes in yourself and your life that you really want.
At its heart, being compatible with someone means sharing the same values, morals and standards with them. Sometimes we can really fall for people that we intuitively know don’t share these values with us and we let our own principles slide to try and force the issue. When it inevitably doesn’t end the way we want, we’re often hit even harder as we can feel we’ve let ourselves down and not been true to who we really are.
Accepting that you just weren’t compatible with them is a big part of getting over people.
Try to use these experiences as something to learn from; a helpful way for you to determine what you’re really looking for in a partner. Sometimes you need to date a few different people to find out who you’re really compatible with – and that’s totally okay! But if it doesn’t work out with someone you really like, remember that if it’s not right for them, then it’s not right for you either. Dust yourself down and set out to find someone you’re truly compatible with.
Ever wondered what the secret to a really great relationship is? Well, forget about shared hobbies and interests, it’s all about compatibility.
Laura Yates investigates
Compatibility lies at the heart of every good relationship. Everything from your standards and values to your sense of humour, career choice and lifestyle preferences need to be compatible with your partner for your relationship to work long-term.
So, why do we sometimes end up trying to pursue relationships with people who we’re simply not compatible with? It’s partly because it’s human nature to want what we can’t have, but also it’s because we often underestimate just how important compatibility is. Being compatible doesn’t mean having things in common; you can have no shared interests and hobbies but still be compatible with someone. And vice versa.
Timing also influences compatibility. It can be difficult when you’re dating someone that you really like to find out that they don’t want to take things further, but it’s usually because you’re simply incompatible with them. It may have been bad timing; something to do with their own issues; or maybe they’re looking for something different in a partner. It might even be down to the fact that you don’t like the same music – hobbies, interests and tastes can be important, but true compatibility goes a lot deeper.
If you’ve ever been dating someone and thought that things were going well before suddenly finding out that the other person doesn’t feel the same, then it can be a confusing time. But if something isn’t working for the other person, it won’t work for you either. If you’re not the right match for them, they’re not the right one for you. You’re not compatible – at least not right now.