The rise of ‘singlephobia’ has shown that we’re often reluctant to end a relationship, even if we know it’s not right for us.
If you’re unsure whether to break-up or not, ask yourself these 5 important questions…
1. Do you really want to break-up?
It’s tempting to use the threat of a break-up to show your partner how upset, hurt or angry you are, or to make them realise what’s at stake. But it’s a dangerous game to play. You could end up losing a partner that you really want to stay with, or you could really want to break-up but your partner won’t take you seriously because you’ve said it so many times before. Be true to your word and never use emotional weapons like this to try and get what you want in a relationship. Don’t threaten to break-up unless you really want to end things for good.
2. Is it just a rough patch?
All relationships have ups and downs, but sometimes rough patches can stretch into rough months, or even years! Before you break-up, try to determine whether the situation is likely to improve in the near future. Maybe you’re struggling with work stress or financial insecurity and there’s a chance that things will get better once the busy season is over or your partner secures a new job. Then ask yourself whether you’d want to stay in the relationship if that change did happen – you’ll soon find out whether there’s still hope.
3. Can you forgive them?
Relationships often come to an end because the trust has gone. This can be extremely painful, especially when infidelity is involved, but you should still wait a few days before deciding to end your relationship for good. Ask yourself whether you will ever be able to forgive your partner for what they’ve done. Maybe it was a genuine mistake and you believe that it won’t happen again, or maybe they’ve hurt you too badly to ever trust them again. Everyone is different, but if you know in your heart that you can’t forgive them, then you should break-up.
4. Are you repeating yourself?
Do you always find yourself ending relationships as soon as they start to get serious or you hit a few problems? Many people love the rush that comes with a new relationship but find it more difficult to maintain a long-term relationship, finding a whole host of reasons to end things, even if those problems aren’t really there! If you do this time and time again, then you could be afraid of intimacy and commitment. Try to talk to someone about your feelings and gain perspective on your relationship before you end it prematurely.
5. Do you know what happens next?
When you break-up in the heat of the moment, it can have wide-reaching consequences, especially if you live together or share children. When you are calm and focused, sit down and think about what you’ll do if you do end your relationship. Where will you live? What do you need to sort out? Unless you’re in danger or your partner is making you feel uncomfortable in any way, take time to make a plan that will help you make a rational decision before making the jump.